oh dear god why taste test #3(i): yeo's soursop juice drink

AAAAND we're back, pressing on with the extreme and utter nastiness that has become oh dear god why taste test #3, although i shouldn't raise any false expectations for this outing, the stuff i'm about to taste, sadly, is delicious. how can i be so sure, you ask? well i grabbed this can of "soursop juice drink" off the shelf at dear sweet viet hoa without checking the rest of the can, wherein it's noted that it's actually "jugo de guanabana" to our mexican friends, which is just guanabana juice, sold by the jumex corporation at any grocery store on the planet, and which i've consumed several times in my life and already know to be delicious. so, provided that this particular brand doesn't mess the formula up too badly, i think i know what i'm getting into.

famous last words, right? here we go.

oh i just noticed on the bottom of the can, it's "best consumed before" september of last year, so maybe this will be kind of interesting after all!





nope. it's fine. it tastes exactly like guanabana, although yeo's opts to include a bit more of the pulp of the fruit, unlike jumex's version which is much more watery. i mean it's nowhere near the chunky mass of the caravelle mandarin orange float with sacs (AWFUL) from last time but there is a certain thickness which isn't altogether unpleasant.

if you've never had soursop or guanabana before, the flavor is kind of akin to a sweet tropical fruit like a pineapple or something, with a hint of floral sweetness to it, like clover sugar or the scent of dandelions or something. the drink itself is of course incredibly sugary and sweet (ingredients: water, cane sugar, soursop juice, etc from there) but it's not like painfully sweet or cloying like some of the other stuff i've tried.

overall i like this stuff a lot even if i don't drink it regularly. it's sweet and pretty unique, but it doesn't exactly warrant much more in the way of description or explanation. give it a try sometime.

join us next time for the voyage into fear that will no doubt be my attempt at consuming kraut juice. i'm gagging a little bit already. talk to you then.

d

oh dear god why taste test #3(h): caravelle mandarin orange float (with sacs!)

okay - i honestly have no idea what to make of this stuff, i just bought it because it said "sacs" on the front and i was feeling perverse. how do you put "float" in a can? what are "sacs," exactly? let's find out.

i'm kind of not looking forward to this, for some reason.





not too bad. tastes overwhelmingly of sugar, predictably enough, but there's a creaminess to it that makes it very reminiscent of starburst candy, in fact if i closed my eyes i'd think someone had liquefied an orange starburst and poured it into my mouth. i often find myself thinking about that when i close my eyes though, but for once my fears have paid off in the most delicious fashion. no sacs, though. should i have shaken it up a little? let's try it again.





oh ugh. uuugggghhhhh... that was nothing but sacs. oh man. it's like the surgically removed inside of an orange, suspended in the chemically reconstituted juice of an orange. lots of texture. if there was an orange juice available with "XXXTREEEME XXXTRA PULP PLUS PULP PLUS" i think it would be something like this. it's not... bad, per se, it's just really a lot of orange taste and texture and bits and whatever, happening in one's mouth. it feels a little invasive, bordering on the obscene. too much sac.

verdict? ennnh. probably not. proves conclusively once and for all that there is such a thing as too much sac. this is it. i like oranges, i like juice, i like texture in my beverages, but christ, there are limits. how about we just pretend this never happened, okay?

okay.

catch you next time

d

oh dear god why taste test #3(g): unidentifiable brand lychee flavored soda

i don't even know how to begin capturing the cuteness of the awesomeness of the amazingness of this beverage.



there's no name or other identifying data on the outside of this package that i can relate to you, so i'll just highlight the obvious points:



little face!



little whale!



little pop top marble thing!

allow me to explain. the truly brilliant thing about this bottle is the little marble that comes embedded in the top, sealing the contents inside until you use the tiny plastic nubbin to liberate them... unfortunately that results in an explosion of lychee flavored liquid all over and around the surrounding area of the bottle, but hey, it's worth it. it should be obvious by now that this particular beverage is a ringer, i've had it many times before and love it dearly and thought i should share it with you all because it's so amazing. so basically here's the routine: you take the blue plastic piece and press down on the top of the bottle until the marble pops down into the neck of the thing, where it's caught before it drops into the bottom of the bottle. you are then free to enjoy the rest of the soda, provided you always drink with the "eyes" of the bottle facing you (they're there to catch the marble) otherwise the marble rushes up and seals off the top of the bottle, and you get nothing. why would they make it do that, you ask? because, ladies and gentlemen, you're looking at the world's first capless, spill-proof soda. if the bottle tips over or gets thrown out of an airplane or attacked by an hyena or anything, there's no danger of spillage. amazing, huh? it also tastes good.





i love it! and i love you. this is amazing. wholehearted endorsement. also goes good with gin. available at viet hoa for the low low price of WHO CARES IT'S AMAZING

i will try harder to be objective next time, provided the drinks are slightly less incredible.

d

oh dear god why taste test #3(f): carabao energy drink

cheerio my dearios, we're back, charging towards glory on the good ship "oh dear god why" but LOOKOUT! there's an iceberg in the way... what's that written on the side? i can barely make it out... "CARABAO ENERGY DRINK." damn the torpedos, full speed ahead.



truth be told this is kind of a round off for yours truly, at least i hope it will be, assuming the carabao follows suit with most of the other weird asian energy drinks i've had - sugary, fruity, not GREAT but also not poison. let's find out, shall we?





yep. much as i expected. just sugar and energy chemicals and fruit flavors. there's a little bit of a kick to it, energy-wise, but it's not blowing my head off my socks or anything. i think it's time for a second opinion.





fellow blogger ashley likes it a lot. says: "tastes like sugar!" agreed. how about a third opinion?





the love of my wife concurs.

honestly there's not a lot to say about this stuff. it tastes like candy, like cheap candy with a lot of sugar and... some fruit, i guess. i'd take another picture or something but you're just going to see me smiling again and honestly no one needs to see that.

verdict? thumbs up. it's cheap, there's definitely a kick, and it tastes fucking fine. drink it.

later

d